I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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