I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize