Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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