saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
