captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
