Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
