A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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