you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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