Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
