One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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