do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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