Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Terrible idea I love it
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
