We're like a lot better than the average bears
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
