I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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