Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
