so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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