I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
No...this little piggys going to the bar
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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