Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm sobbing to NWA
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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