i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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