I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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