Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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