Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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