i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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