I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
