Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
