Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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