I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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