I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
