Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
