I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
