She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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