I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
