Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
