I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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