Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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