Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
