im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
