Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
