its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
