I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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