do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
