I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
