First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
