This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
