What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
