U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
