just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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