girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
