I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
