if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
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