Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
