They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
