You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
