she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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