wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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