all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
