Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize