i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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