I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
