I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
