Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
