She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
