Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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