Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
