I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
