So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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