Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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