Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
