My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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