I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
